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February 13, 2014

I haven’t posted in eons and my primary excuse is that I been sick.  Like, the ugly kind of sick.  Christmas and New Year passed in a cranky, painful haze.  We had a good weekend at my sister’s in spite of a raging temperature and raging temperament (you can only blame steroids on so much , my friends).  Then actual Christmas Day we spent lounging and being doted on my my aunt’s house.  Full Christmas dinner going down in Kentucky, partial Christmas dinner coming up in middle Tennessee.

Then the New Year.  I have had my third hospitalization already this year and hopefully, it will have been my last.  Dehydration, Pneumonia/Sepsis, and Constipation.   Yes, my final visit to the hospital was embarrassingly enough for severe constipation.  

We had a brief interlude with another infusion drug–Yervoy.   But, alas, it has been as ineffective as the others and was making me more sick than well.  The wonder drug oral chemo had been working quite well, but the aggressive type of melanoma I have has already rendered it useless and, again, one more cure that was making me more ill than improved.   So as you lie in the dim light of a hospital room with a potty chair not two feet from the bed, you want to talk through options, through what comes next, through what is going on with your husband but you are just too miserable to think, too exhausted to even reach out for comfort and just wait until it is time for the next apin shot to course through the IV and hold back the hours until they come with another one of those shots that wraps your guts in knots and forces actions that should have happened naturally, days, maybe even weeks ago.

I hope that sets sufficient tone for you because even glancing over it leaves me in tears and depressed.   

Hospice is the new buzz word around here.  Because of my steady decline and the inability of any of the curative measures to make a lasting dent in my disease, we have entered hospice care.   Hospice is wonderful.  If you have never had any experience with them, be blessed.   If you ever have any need for them, don’t hesitate.  Hospice is going to help take care of me.  They are going to help keep me at home and out of the hospital and they are going to provide much needed services for my family and support system to make all of this easier and more comfortable.  

But I don’t want this post to be focused on hospice or even failed medications or dying.  I want to take a minute and talk about God’s favorite kid.  See, that is still me.  I still pronounce everyday that healing is in my hands.  I still believe that it is part of God’s promise to me for length of days and long life.  I don’t understand how it all works, but I won’t question or diminish the Word of God just because I can’t figure it out.  Neither will I give God any less power or grace just because I haven’t seen it, yet.

Throughout this entire process I have asked you to pray for us.  To pray for the promise that was provided on the Cross the “by His stripes we were healed”.  Now I continue to ask you to pray.  Pray for the strength and grace of God that we may continue act with both grace and intention.  I think about the power of prayer and promises and commitment often these days and leave you with my own paraphrase:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Holy is your name!

We seek Your Convenant Kingdom and Your Will to accomplished, right here on earth.  

The same as it is in Heaven.

Provide for each of our daily needs and provide us with your Grace as we give your Grace to those we encounter.

Help us to follow your lead, and seperate us from all that is profane,

We continually recognize you as King, having all and giving You all Power and Glory.

Forever.  

Amen

(Mareeka paraphrase)

Keep the Faith!

 

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. February 13, 2014 11:54 pm

    Love you and praying for you, Mareeka. By HIS stripes you were and ARE healed!

  2. Melissa permalink
    February 14, 2014 12:27 am

    Scott and I love you and are continuing to stand in faith with you!

  3. Carol Thomas permalink
    February 14, 2014 3:18 am

    Marreka , sorry to hear about your illiness. If I can do anything for you send me an email or call me 16185599940. Carol Thomas

  4. Betty kuiper permalink
    February 14, 2014 5:52 am

    Prayers to you my friend

  5. Kim Gordon permalink
    February 14, 2014 4:01 pm

    Mareeka – my heart reaches out to you with love and support!

  6. Jenn Stowe permalink
    February 14, 2014 6:53 pm

    I just wish I could make it all better for you! I pray so hard and so much for you every day! Please don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything! Even if it’s a sandwich off the “Grilled Cheeserie” truck…I’ll chase it down for you!! xoxo

  7. lc1564 permalink
    February 14, 2014 8:58 pm

    May He make you strong even in your weakness. I’m still believing with you.

  8. Becky permalink
    February 14, 2014 11:11 pm

    Love you Mareeka.

  9. Sandy permalink
    February 14, 2014 11:36 pm

    Mareeka, Praying for you sweetie and believing that God will raise you up completely Whole. I stand in agreement with you for your healing. May God Bless you with good health now & forever. God Bless Sandy

    >

  10. February 16, 2014 5:15 am

    Mareeka, Keeping you in my prayers. I pray that a healing comes for you.
    Love,
    Aunt Gail (Geerdes) Richardson. I will send your recent words on to the kids with your blog comments.

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