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May 2, 2012

I have this vision of myself in the middle of a battlefield.  Not a modern one with tanks and planes but old.  Ancient, even.  With swords and spears and shields and maces.  And life and death are swirling around me in slow motion and in vivid color.  I am standing there.  Just standing there.  In the middle of all of it.  Aware of all of it.  A part of all of it, yet somehow, not disturbed by all of it. It is like there is a tornado od activity and noise and violent struggle all around me, but it doesn’t touch me. I am in the eye of it.   I am just standing there, clean, proud, unafraid.

My mother was fond of saying—I know I start a lot of sentences with that.  She was fond of quoting the scripture verse “Having done all to stand, stand”.  And stopping right there.  What she meant was this:  If you have done all you can do in the situation.  If you have exerted all of your authority and exhausted all your strength and done everything reasonable to be prepared to deal with a situation, just stand.

 A whole lot of people are gearing up for a fight.   Getting ready to do battle and coming out swinging.  I am standing.  I have done all I can do.  I have done all that is reasonable and will continue to do so and probably some fairly unreasonable.  I am going to stand.  I am just going to be.  Here.  Right now. Next week.  Next month.  Next year.  Ten years from now.  When I am old and gray. I am going to stand.  Here.  Right now.


Please don’t get me wrong.  I understand that cancer is hard and that it is a struggle to deal with all of the consequences and treatment is often harder than the disease and believe me, NO ONE wants to be well more than I do.  But that is a whole lot of pressure to put on me.  I will not quit. I will not stop.  I will not give up. But with all the other stuff that I am going to have to do, don’t ask me to fight, too.  You fight.  You fight for me.  You get down on our knees when I don’t have the strength.  You pick up my babies when I can’t climb the stairs to tuck them in at night.  You  feed my family when I am too broken or too sick or too tired to do it.  You fight for me. 

I am going to stand.  Right here.  Having done all that I can do, having exerted all the control and position that I have in this world.  I am going to stand.  Here.  Right now.Image

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Melissa permalink
    May 3, 2012 3:04 am

    I am standing with you. I wil continue to pray and believe “no cancer can live in your body”. Love you Mareeka

  2. Lea permalink
    May 3, 2012 11:49 am

    I am one of your warriors in this battle you are facing. Love you bunches.

  3. Treasa Beane permalink
    May 3, 2012 2:46 pm

    I am standing with you in prayer and fighting for you, with you, through the powerful word of God.

  4. May 9, 2012 6:47 pm

    bless your heart! I wish I was closer to help you!

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