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Four Car Pile Up in Front of My House…or Maybe It Was In My House?

November 17, 2011

Today marks the one month birthday of our son. We have been cruising along pretty well up to this point. Things are definitely different when you bring the second one home. There is just not as much time. For anything!

I remember harassing my mother about the lack of baby pictures of me. There aren’t any–ANY–of me without my sister and there are precious few with me at all. Mom, I hope my apology reaches the pearly gates. I think I get it now.

Anyway, my husband has been great through the whole pregnancy, birth, hormonal changes, adjustments, forgetfulness, etc…I burnt supper once, completely forgot to make supper once, forgot to pay a bill, have had laundry on the to do list for a week and half, and a few assundered other tasks that will get done, eventually. He helps. He goes into work late so he can drop Amelia at daycare on the day she goes. He brings home dinner. He plays with Amelia and takes Tenzing for most of the evening. But yesterday it all came crashing down.

I think part of the problem is that I don’t dwindle down, I go full steam ahead until I crash and burn. That is what happened yesterday. It was not an extraordinary day. Nothing around me had collapsed, Amelia was a little whinier than usual, she is feeling the decrease and delay in attention, Tenzing was his normal self–“just hold me, Momma”. (That is what I get for praying for a cuddler). Everything was okay except me. I made it until 3:30 and then called Chris–AT WORK–when all three of us were crying and screaming. Of course he came right home, of course he ordered pizza, of course he took over and sent me upstairs, alone, to sleep. I slept for four hours, woke up, ate, slept for another four hours, then took the night shift.

He thought he had been helping, I thought he had been helping. Everything was coasting. Then I crashed. Here is my hindsight synopsis: I was getting help, but I wasn’t getting the help that I needed. Here is the dilemma: If you are a person that doesn’t ask for help in the first place, and you are getting help from somewhere, how do you say “that is great and all what you are doing, but what I really need is…”

Doesn’t that feel a little bit like looking a gift horse in the mouth? Yes. It feels exactly that way and while my husband and I have a great, honest, open relationship, there are still times when I feel awkward talking to him about something. This was one of those times!

So we talked about it this morning. “Honey, my biggest commodities right now are sleep and alone time”. I said. “I think you may have really lost it this time”, he said. “I appreciate everything you are doing, but could we consider this?”, I said. “Could we consider better living through chemistry?”, he said. Okay, that is how at least half of the conversation went. We are working out the details and we will figure this out, too. And we keep telling each other–this is only temporary. I mean, really, boys don’t eat every three hours their whole lives, do they?

In the immortal words of DJ Lance Rock, “Let’s break it down”: Post partum or not, these tidbits will always ring true–
1. Don’t wait til you crash to ask fir help
2. Don’t be afraid to ask fir what you need
3. When all else fails, medicate!

What has been your awkward conversation of late?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Mary permalink
    November 17, 2011 9:05 pm

    Love it. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Angela Altman permalink
    November 17, 2011 11:35 pm

    Know you are NOT alone! Wonderful that you have such an awesome husband! They really make things so much better – God gave them to us for a reason! Hang in there – it gets easier… with time!

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